


I'll Always Be Here

by Diamond_Paint



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hugs, M/M, boyf riends - Freeform, jeremy is having a bad day, jeremy needs all the hugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-06 13:36:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13412394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diamond_Paint/pseuds/Diamond_Paint
Summary: Jeremy's depression is kicking his ass so he goes over to Michael's house for the day





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> wow I actually wrote angst? what a concept
> 
> honestly I'm kinda just self-projecting onto Jeremy as my depression has been kicking my ass lately so I decided to just write another fic instead of actually getting stuff done

Jeremy had his off days sometimes, it wasn’t usually anything in particular that started it, just one day he would feel totally fine and the next depression was kicking his ass. Before he and Michael had started dating he would just sit in his room and cry and wait it out since there didn’t seem to be anything he could do that would make him feel better. But he had opened up more and told Michael about it after they started dating and he had told him to come over or at least tell him when this happened.

 

Today was one of those days. He had just woken up late saturday morning feeling empty and on the brink of tears. He recognized the feeling immediately but he just lay there for a few minutes, a few tears falling down on his face. He was trying to get up the motivation to text Michael, it took a while, but eventually he sat up, wiped his face on his sleeve, and grabbed his phone.

 

**[Player 2]**  im coming over

 

**[Player 1]**  ok babe see you soon

 

Michael replied almost immediately. He set his phone back down on the nightstand and stood up to get dressed, he picked randomly from his closet, not really caring much about what he wore. He ended up with some gray sweatpants and a pac-man t-shirt. After putting on a pair of shoes, he grabbed his phone and left to walk to his boyfriend’s house.

 

Michael had a feeling he knew why Jeremy was coming over. Usually he would have used proper punctuation and capitalization in his texts and corrected himself if he didn’t, the fact that he didn’t bother usually meant something was wrong, so Michael paused the game he had been playing when he got the text and got a few things ready for Jeremy knowing what he usually wanted when he came over like this. He took one of the softer blankets from his bed, a box of tissues and a glass of water and brought them over to one of the beanbag chairs and sat back down on the other to wait for his boyf.

 

On the walk over to Michael’s house Jeremy thought of him and what normally happened when he came over like this. Even being with Michael didn’t make him feel better, but he guessed it was comforting to have him there. He wouldn’t make him talk or do anything if he didn’t want to, he just wanted to be there for him and get him anything he needed. Whether that be a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug that would seemingly last forever, or even just a glass of water or tissues. He really did care and he understood if Jeremy just wanted to sit alone in a corner and cry, he would give him space if that’s what he needed. 

 

He was so good to him, Jeremy couldn’t help but think that he didn’t deserve to have someone as amazing as Michael Mell. These thoughts of worthlessness continued until he had arrived at Michael’s house and let himself in. The pale boy went right down to the basement where Michael was sure to be and found him playing a game he didn’t recognize.

 

“Hi.” he said quietly, making his presence known to the taller boy as he walked over to his beanbag chair, noticing the blanket, tissues and water Michael had set out for him.

 

“Hey” he replied in a comforting tone, pausing the game to look up at him. “You okay?” 

 

“No” the pale boy responded with simply, sitting down and wrapping himself in the soft blanket Michael had provided.

 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” the mocha skinned boy asked cautiously but comfortingly, turning to look at him better.

 

“No” he honestly just wanted to hug Michael. To hold on tight and not have to let go. He was ready to cry for who knows how long, and just be wrapped in Michael’s arms the whole time. But he still felt like he didn’t deserve it so he didn’t ask.

 

“Do you want a hug?” Michael asked as if he had read his mind. Jeremy only nodded as an answer. Michael put down his controller and moved over to Jeremy, who moved a little to make room for him, and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, letting him adjust to a comfortable position.

 

Jeremy wrapped his arms tightly around him and buried his face into his chest, a few tears starting to leak from his eyes. Michael rubbed his hands soothingly over his back, whispering soft words of reassurance and love to the boy who was now curled up on his lap and hugging him tightly as he cried. “It’s okay” he told him “it’s all gonna be okay”

 

Michael could feel Jeremy’s breath coming out in short, quiet sobs. He wished he could just take all the pain away. But it’s not that simple. It’s not as simple as just flicking a switch to turn it off. Depression is much more complicated than that and there isn’t always a reason for him to feel this way. But he promised himself and Jeremy that he would always be here for him in times like this when he needed him.

 

This continued on for a while, neither of them knew how long. Jeremy had stopped crying, but neither of them let go. They just sat there wrapped in each other’s arms not wanting to ever let go. 

 

“I lo-ove you Mica” Jeremy eventually said quietly with a sniffle. Michael presses a soft kiss to to top of his head and started running fingers soothingly through his hair.

 

“I love you too Jer” He reassured softly. As he continued to hold on to Jeremy he felt his breathing slow and his hold on him weaken as he drifted off to sleep, having tired himself out with all the crying. Michael slowly readjusted them into a more comfortable position, careful not to wake the sleeping boy. He was now laying down on the beanbag chair with Jeremy laying on top of him, still wrapped up in the soft blanket and his arms.

 

Michael soon fell asleep too, still holding onto the smaller boy as he slept. As much as he wished everything would be okay when they woke up, he knew that’s not how it worked. He knew that Jeremy would still feel this way when he woke up. But he also knew that he would be here for him when he did. He focused on what he could do rather than dwell on what he couldn’t. He would always be here for this boy and he would always love him. And that’s what really mattered in the end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what I do instead of sleeping
> 
> Comments make my soul smile

Michael awoke to Jeremy moving on him and trying to get up. He released him from the hug and looked up at him. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes that were still a little red from the crying earlier as he sat up. Michael could tell he still wasn’t feeling any better and realized he probably hasn’t eaten anything yet. He checked the time on his phone and saw that it was almost 2 in the afternoon.

 

“Hey Jer, do you want something to eat?” he asked comfortingly as he sat up next the the boy who was now just absentmindedly staring in front of him.

 

“N-no thanks. I-I’m not real-really hungry.” he responded quietly. Michael had the feeling he was lying about that as Jeremy often wouldn’t eat much if at all when he was feeling like this. This suspicion was only confirmed as they heard a soft grumble from Jeremy’s stomach.

 

“Have you eaten at all today?” Jeremy paused and shook his head. Michael looked at him sadly before standing up. “Jeremy, you should really eat something.” He knew he couldn’t force him to eat, but he could at least try to convince him to eat something. It wasn’t good for him to not eat anything all day. “I’m pretty sure we have some pizza rolls in the freezer, how about that?”

 

Jeremy looked up at him, he couldn’t really say no. nothing really sounded good to him right now but he figured Michael was right. He needed to eat something. “Sure” he ended up saying before wrapping up in the blanket again and continuing to just space out staring at nothing in particular.

 

“Okay, I’m gonna go upstairs and put them in the oven. I’ll be right back.” Michael told him as he walked over to the stairs, looking back at him one more.

 

“K” the boy responded with simply, not looking back at him.

 

Michael gave him a sympathetic smile even though he knew he wouldn’t see and then turned to ascend the stairs onto the main floor. As the teen walked to the kitchen to prepare the food he remembered when Jeremy had told him about how bad his depression really is.

 

~•♡•~

 

“Jer? Jeremy?” Michael waved a hand in front of his boyfriend’s face, snapping him back into reality. “You okay babe? You were totally spacing out and you look like you’re about to start crying.” he said looking concernedly at the boy in question. “Did I do something?” this question was a bit more quiet as he waited for a response.

 

“Wh-what? N-no! You didn’t do an-nything, it’s just…” he trailed off, as if contemplating whether or not to tell him or how much to say. Michael gave him the time to think over his words. The pale boy looked him in the eyes and reached out to grab his hands when he finally decided what he would say. “Michael, I n-need to tell you someth-thing, b-but I do-don’t want you to get t-too worried okay?” the taller boy looked back at him lovingly and squeezed his hands in his own.

 

“What is it Jer? You can tell me anything, but I can’t promise not to get worried” he told him truthfully, trying to sound comforting but already starting to get a bit concerned about whatever was on Jeremy’s mind.

 

“O-okay” Jeremy said slightly hesitantly. He took a couple deep breaths before speaking up again. “It’s-it’s just… m-my depression has ju-ust been re-eally bad since…” he paused for a moment, wiping away a few tears that had started to fall. “Si-ince the squip. I-I would have t-told you be-before b-but I d-didn’t wa-ant you t-to worry b-ut now y-you’re my b-b-boyfriend y-you sh-shoul-” he was cut off as Michael pulled him into a tight embrace. His stuttering had been getting worse as he tried to speak through the oncoming sobs. Jeremy hugged Michael back letting the silent sobs come out and feeling soothing hands rubbing his back gently.

 

“It’s okay Jer, it’s okay” he tried to reassure the crying boy, but he felt him pull back to look at him and released his tight hug but moved one hand down to hold a pale one and the other to gently wipe away the tears that were still falling.

 

“I-it’s not though” he stated, squeezing the hand that was holding his own tightly. “I-I know it’s n-not okay. I-I ca-an’t even find a r-reason t-to get out o-of b-bed m-most days. I-I…” he trailed off again. Not able to find the right words to explain it. “I can’t r-really explain i-it w-ell outloud.” he admitted moving to get something out of his nightstand. It hurt to see him like this. To know he was hurting and he wanted to understand. Jeremy returned to him holding a journal, opening it and turning to a certain page before handing it to Michael to read. “J-just… just re-ead this. M-my therapist h-had me start a j-journal s-so… yeah.” he moved to sit next to Michael as he read.

 

Michael looked at Jeremy’s not so neat writing in the journal, he notice this writing was messier than his usual, probable from a shaky hand he assumed. As he started to read through the pages he would glance over at the boy who was clinging to his side and just staring off at nothing in particular, some tears still streaming down his cheek as he let out shaky breaths. Michael wrapped an arm around him and gently rubbed his shoulder to comfort his crying boyfriend.

 

As he continued reading a few tears started leaking from his own eyes. It pained him to see Jeremy hurting like this, and knowing he couldn’t fix it made it worse. He loved this boy so much and would do anything he could possibly be capable of to help him. Especially now, knowing how badly this was affecting him. Knowing that he didn’t have the motivation to get out of bed most mornings, or that he didn’t feel like he deserved any of the good things he had in his life. He still felt so much guilt over all the terrible things the squip made him do, that he had hurt Michael. He had shed so many tears alone and experienced a suffering unknown to the rest of the world. He didn’t want him to have to feel so unwanted or alone anymore, but that wasn’t just a simple fix.

 

He set the journal down after a while of reading and wiped his tear streaked face before turning to face Jeremy who hadn’t moved much, it at all, while he was reading. He once again took his hands into his own looking into his watery eyes. “I’m so sorry Jer, I had no idea.” Jeremy looked away and mumbled something he couldn’t quite make out. “Hey” he tried to say in the most comforting tone he could manage “can you promise me something?” Jeremy looked back up at him questioningly. “Will you tell me whenever you start feeling like this? You can always come over if you don’t want to be alone. I won’t make you talk or do anything you don’t want to, I just want you to know that I’m here for you.” he punctuated that with another squeeze to his hands and a comforting but somewhat weak smile.

 

Jeremy nodded and moved forward to hug him, wrapping his arms weakly around the other boy. “I… Y-yeah, I pro-omise M-michael. I’ll t-tell you ne-ext time.” and once again Michael’s arms were wrapped around him. They had stayed there, wrapped in each other’s arms for quite a while.

 

~•♡•~

 

That day Michael had promised to himself and Jeremy that he would do anything he could to help him. Even when there was nothing, he’d still be there for him.

 

Michael set a timer on his phone for the pizza rolls as he put them in the oven then went back down to Jeremy. As he descended the stairs he heard a faint sniffling sound. He entered the basement to find Jeremy crying again. He looked as if he hadn’t moved at all, still wrapped in his blanket in the same spot he was left in. Just staring blankly forward as his breaths came out in shaky, near silent, sobs.

 

The taller boy walked over to sit down next to him, handing him the box of tissues. Jeremy slowly reached a hand out from the blanket to grab them, giving a forced and weak smile of gratitude. After using up several tissues he was offered the glass of water. He accepted it, drinking most of the cool liquid before setting it down and reaching his hand out for Michael to hold, he immediately responded, clasping onto the pale boy’s hand with a comforting grip. They just sat there for a few minutes, silent but for the small, shaky breaths coming from Jeremy.

 

His breathing eventually calmed and the tears stopped falling but Jeremy was still just staring blankly forward, curled in on himself and wrapped in the blanket. Michael had been absentmindedly scrolling through tumblr, looking back at Jeremy every few posts. He knew that Jeremy wouldn’t be upset by this, they had talked about it before. He would feel bad if he made Michael have to just sit around doing nothing just because of him. Still, he would never really be able to focus on anything other than Jeremy so he would usually be scrolling through some social media or reading a book unless Jeremy had requested an activity. This didn’t happen very often in times like this though, but it was usually something like watching a movie or listening to music. Just some background noise to distract him from his thoughts a little.

 

The silence was suddenly broken by the timer on Michael’s phone going off, causing Jeremy to flinch slightly at the unexpected sound. Michael rubbed his thumb over the knuckles on his hand and gave it another squeeze before releasing it to go get the food from the oven. “I’ll be right back.” he told the other, getting up from his bean bag chair. Jeremy nodded slightly to acknowledge the boys words.

 

Michael went back upstairs, taking Jeremy’s almost empty glass to refill it and returned shortly with a plate of pizza rolls and a now full glass of water for him. He sat back down next to him placing the plate and water between them. Jeremy looked at him gratefully and hesitantly took a pizza roll from the plate and nibbled at it.

 

“C-Can…” he spoke quietly, pausing for a moment before continuing his question. “Can we w-watch something?”

 

“Of course Jer, what do you wanna watch?” Michael spoke soothingly, Jeremy was unlikely to actually make the decision himself, but he always asked anyway. As expected, the freckled boy just shrugged from beneath the blanket, taking another pizza roll. Michael was glad to see that he was actually eating, he had seen him refuse food in the past and it was good that he wasn’t doing that now. Michael turned on the tv and found some show to watch on Netflix.

 

The two teens spent most of the rest of the day like that. Admittedly, Jeremy wasn’t actually paying attention to the show, but it was a slight distraction from his thoughts in the silence before. They had finished off the pizza rolls and continued to binge watch the show, Jeremy eventually coming over snuggle up to Michael again.

 

This was by no means the last time something like this happened, but Michael would still be there for Jeremy when he needed him, and he would always help in whatever way he could. Because he just loved him too much not to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this wasn't too bad? I honestly had no idea how to end it. This is probably the most angst I'll ever write tbh, I don't want to hurt my boys but I kinda just wrote this whole thing to vent about my depression through Jeremy.
> 
> (definitely didn't make myself cry writing this, nope, not at all)

**Author's Note:**

> I might write another chapter for the rest of their day? idk just a thought, I might just leave it here  
> [tumblr](https://diamondpainttheartist.tumblr.com/) ♡ [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/diamond_paint_the_artist/)


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